My Resolutions of 2005 31 December 2004
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Haha, time flies very fast! 
Throughout the year of 2004, there had been a plenty of happenings. I’m very happy for myself and XTOMIC.
That was my very first time conducting the percussion band. I’m really very grateful to Mr. Teow for this “ugly” exposure. I have taken my biggest step by taking part in Singapore Idol and this has made me realized what I want exactly for myself. I really want very much to pursue my music studies and I hope to give deaf kids/youths music opportunities as I was given. I have my financial problems and these have been stopping me for years from applying..
I truly understand the meaning of having dreams. To dream is to live towards it bravely. With my character, I do not give up on my dreams. But I didn’t know how to go about it. Now, I’ve taken many steps to my music dream. I have already done my homework like emailing to NAC and other companies for enquiries on funding/scholarships/bursaries. Perhaps, if I am successful on having financial support for my music studies (overseas), I have to leave XTOMIC to others to manage on their own. Meanwhile, I hope to be more educated.
As for my baby XTOMIC, it has been getting more publicity, thanks to me and even, CCCrush. It’s much better and hopes to expand its horizons in performing arts.
Alright, 2005 is a new beginning for me. So, I have set my resolutions for myself and hopefully, they can be achieved. So far, I have achieved alot in 2004. Thanks to everyone, especially the XTOMIC-ers!! As well, I do not forget Vivian, Rossman, Richmond, Sr. Anne, Mr. Teow and others for being there for me always..
Hear Me Out 21 December 2004
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Haha…! Angeline, Huishan and I are so excited about this one-page article of the LIME Magazine January issue. It’s BECAUSE we are on it!! Hmm, it’s well-written and it’s on the talk of XTOMIC! It means more, MORE publicity for XTOMIC!! And, it’s another ACHIEVEMENT again!!!
How did hearing-impaired Singapore Idol hopeful, Lily Goh learn how to sing and play the piano in spite of her disability? LIME hears it from the founder of performing group, XTOMIC.
Huishan, 20, used to be so bad at sign language that friends had difficulty understanding her. That was until she met Lily – founder of performing group, XTOMIC, which is made up of 5 deaf and 15 hearing youths.
Set up in 2002, XTOMIC is under the care of SADeaf (Singapore Association for the Deaf), with the aim to promote deaf awareness through performing arts and instil self-confidence in individuals to perform publicly. The members mime, dance, play instruments and do song-signing which is “an art of signing lyrics expressively and rhythmically while a song is being played”.
“I had to correct Huishan’s sign language from scratch ‘cos she was signing many words wrongly and half the time, we couldn’t figure out what she was saying,” explains Lily. Most recently seen on MediaCorp’s Singapore Idol belting out ‘Eternal Flame’, Lily, who has a Grade Six in piano, won praises from the judges for her bravado even though the song wasn’t pitch perfect. We later saw her face plastered at bus-stops island-wide as the poster girl for the Disabled People’s Association of Singapore.
Interviewing three of the deaf members from XTOMIC is no easy task. Let me just say that my experiences with countless celebrities and famous personalities had not prepared me for this. “When did you first discover that you were erm… er… you know… had uh… a problem with hearing?” I splutter. Would it be rude to use the word ‘deaf’ in front of them? I chide myself for not knowing beforehand.
They hand me a little pamphlet. “For informational purposes,” they say, enuniciating their words as best as they can. The pamphlet wrote, “DO use terms such as “deaf” or “hard of hearing”. DON’T pretend to understand when you don’t.” I got the hint loud and clear.
Digital media design student, Angeline, reveals that although Lily, Huishan and herself are almost totally deaf, they can pick up the beats of percussion instruments, loud claps, the blare of vehicle engines and low-pitched sounds. Together with other volunteer members of XTOMIC, they’ve sung with local pop group, CCCrush at a Swatch bash and get more than 10 requests each year to perform at events.
Most memorably, they used kitchen utensils to perform a mini musical drama at Jurong Bird Park last year. “The reason we’re in XTOMIC is ‘cos we have so much fun rehearsing and performing together. There’s always so much to laugh about!” Huishan tells us fondly.
Though all three of them lost their hearing at a young age, their optimism and love for life is infectious. Angeline chirps, “I want to do something I enjoy. My dream is to be an animaion artist. Always believe in yourself and be the happiest person you can be. Never stop dreaming.”
“I believe in livin my life in the present so I haven’t decided on my goals for the future,” chimes Huishan, “My biggest dream right now is to meet 5566 in person. They’re my favourite idols!”
A part-time music teacher at Canossian School, Lily also expresses her desire to perform at the Esplanade and start up a music school. Her goal is to present disabled students with the opportunity to become musicians, and help them achieve their biggest dreams in life.
Famous deaf and blind American educator, Helen Keller once said, “The worst is not to live in silence, but to be deaf to the sorrows of others and indifferent to their needs.”
I now realise what it really means to be hard of hearing. — By Ann Ng
XTOMIC’s Break 18 December 2004
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Hmm.. XTOMIC deserved this longer break. From January 2004 to December 2004, we had performed at 13 events. WOW!! This really broke the records! Last 2003, it was 10.
I guess, we have to reduce the number of events we will be able to put up the performances for 2005. And, we have our 2 major projects that need alot of financial support. Hope these will go well. Now, I have to compile everything and settle down for the plan of 2005.
Meanwhile, I can make use of this break to concentrate on my personal plans: APPLYING for a FULL-TIME MUSIC DIPLOMA. I’m gonna be busy this time. Great to keep myself occupied this way..!
Right Here Waiting 16 December 2004
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Just now, I read the article, “Right Here Waiting” and it makes alot of sense.. This time, I like someone else secretly. But I cannot express my feelings to him. Me, TOO shy. Or I’m VERY scared of being hurt of rejection. Or it’s because of my deafness and I have no or little confidence in a hearing-deaf relationship. True enough, nothing rarely comes out of the hearing-deaf relationship. :~(
Perhaps, I may lose this chance when I wait TOO long.. Well, I cannot stop other ladies from liking him. They are more, MORE beautiful than me. Me, I hate to admit that I’m quite plump and I got a big attitude! Well, I lost THREE Hearing guys to others. And this will be my fate which I am resigned to. It will be another FOURTH loss for me…
From the article of TEENS
Right Here Waiting:
The eyes show it all. You know The One has the hots for you and deep down inside, your gut tells you the exact same thing. After all, the lingering gaze you feel and the blush you see when you catch The One eyeing you for a second too long must mean something right? And when the both of you go out together, you could have sworn sparks are flying everywhere.
Yet, though the whole world knows your feelings towards him/her, The One hasn’t exactly voiced out his/her feelings towards you, leaving a possible relationship between the both of you dangling in mid-air. How long should you wait for the words to tumble out from his/her mouth before you decide that The One might not be as interested as you think after all? And why isn’t The One expressing his/her feelings towards you?
The Importance Of Words:
Is it that important to hear those words from his or her mouth? Well, ideally speaking, of course! After all, won’t you want to hear how he or she feels about you straight from the horse’s mouth? No doubt that actions speak volumes but words, coupled with actions, can make an even bigger impact. What’s more, you can safely put a stop to all those tiresome guessing games once you know how The One truly feels about you. On top of that, if your sweetheart shares the same lovely dovey feelings towards you, both of you can decide the next course of action – i.e. enter a relationship when both of you feel ready.
Silent Expression:
In life, we are often overwhelmed by certain issues that we fail to notice subtle non-verbal messages our love interests are flashing straight in our faces. Perhaps The One has already expressed interest in you, but you just weren’t paying enough attention to read between the lines.
Some people believe that actions alone are a good enough tell-tale sign of interest. Raise your awareness level and check on your sweetie’s actions. Is he/she looking at you for a second too long, an action that usually indicates interest? Is he/she constantly flirting with you? The One’s friends can provide relatively accurate information too, so make sure you’re on good terms with them if you want to find out your sweetheart’s feelings towards you.
If you strongly believe your sweetie has the hots for you too, try to ask him/her out for a one-to-one date and have a heart-to-heart talk to him/her. Perhaps he/she is just unwilling to make the first move and is waiting for you to express your interest before he/she follows suit. Voice out your feelings and try to find out how straight from his/her lips. It’s also a good time to know how you both feel about getting into a relationship, should The One reveals mutual feelings towards you.
Things can get a bit tricky if you are not the expressive type either! In cases like this, you can try writing a note to express your feelings and hopefully, The One can reply with his/her feelings in return. In that way, both of you can save yourselves the embarrassment of saying these mushy words to each other and still get the point across! If you think writing notes are so cliche, there’s always SMS and email!
Still Not Getting Any:
But when happens if you’ve done all you can, but The One just refuses to reveal whether he/she likes you?
Many play the waiting game, but the question is how long should you wait? If you’ve waited too short a time before giving up, you may come across as insincere and someone who’s out to toy other people’s feelings. However, giving up your whole life waiting for a person who doesn’t seem to appreciate all you’ve done seems a little silly as well! How about holding on for about 3 months – that should be more than enough for both of you to drop hints as to whether or not you like the other party. It’s not a hard and fast rule though, so just take this as a guide.
If you still do not sense any form of interest from The One despite going all out to catch his/her subtle way of telling you to “give it up”. However, if you feel your love interst has displayed some kind of interest in you, but just hasn’t verbally confirmed his/her feelings, you can wait some time longer and see how things go. If he/she stil hasn’t said anything, then get your guts together and make the first approach. if his/her answer is to “wait and see,” you can wait slightly longer but be prepared to give up if The One doesn’t respond to your feelings soon.
Playing hard to get is healthy but only if it’s within limits. Making someone wait for an answer while frequently blowing hot and cold can be downright cruel if dragged on for too long.
Whatever the outcome, just take things easily. If this is the right person for you, they’re not gonna run away anytime soon!
Another Vision 13 December 2004
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Hmm, the YEP-H3 team gave me another vision some time ago. Besides this YEP team, it was my formerly primary school percussion band. Last time, I went to Italy with this band on the arts education trip. During the trip, we did some community service like raising funds for a school by performing.
This vision goes about imparting our leadership & performing skills to communities in need with the aim of improving their overall quality of life, like teaching song-signing, dancing, or percussion music. Or it’s more like an cultural exchange.
But the problem is that I do not know where to go about it. Then, I read the SIF webpages and from there, it has differents grants for different programmes: YEP and SVO. To suit that vision of mine, it sounds to be SVO. It will take alot of hands to do these work. Hmm, I do not know if XTOMIC is interested in it.. Or XTOMIC is not ready for its further exploration. Sighz, I’m back to square one again. What shall I do about it? *with alot of doubts/questions playing in my head*
Break Away 9 December 2004
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This photograph is made by Cheryl Miles. She told me in her email that she wanted to share it with me because she loves this picture – it was a really beautiful sky that day. The clouds look like an angel in flight. Also, she loves this song called Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson – the verse on this picture is taken from the chorus of the song. She touched it up in photoshop.. but only the saturation and changed the hue slightly… the sky she saw is exactly what you see in the picture. It’s her inspirational picture from her to me…
Breakaway
By Kelly Clarkson
Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I just stared out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I’d end up happy
I would pray (I would pray)
Trying not to reach out
But when I’d try to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I pray (I would pray)
I could breakaway
Chorus:
I’ll spread my wings and I’ll learn how to fly
I’ll do what it takes til’ I touch the sky
I’ll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won’t forget all the ones that I love
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away (I will)
And breakaway
[Chorus]
Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging around revolving doors
Maybe I don’t know where they’ll take me but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, breakaway
I’ll spread my wings
And I’ll learn how to fly
Though it’s not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won’t forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway
SleEpLeSs NiGhT 8 December 2004
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Cannot sleep… Cannot sleep… Cannot sleep… Cannot sleep… Cannot sleep… Cannot sleep… Cannot sleep… Cannot sleep… Cannot sleep… Cannot sleep…
Let me count sheeps and see if I am very sleepy..
200, 199, 198, 197, 196, 195, 194, 193, 192, 191, 190, 189, 188, 187, 186, 185, 184, 183, 182, 181, 180, 179, 178, 177, 176, 175, 174, 173, 172, 171, 170, 169, 168, 167, 166, 165, 164, 163, 162, 161, 160, 159, 158, 157, 156, 155, 154, 153, 152, 151, 150, 149, 148, 147, 146, 145, 144, 143, 142, 141, 140, 139, 138, 137, 136, 135, 134, 133, 132, 131, 130, 129, 128, 127, 126, 125, 124, 123, 122, 121, 120, 119, 118, 117, 116, 115, 114, 113, 112, 111, 110, 109, 108, 107, 106, 105, 104, 103, 102, 101, 100, 99, 98, 97, 96, 95, 94, 93, 92, 91, 90, 89, 88, 87, 86, 85, 84, 83, 82, 81, 80, 79, 78, 77, 76, 75, 74, 73, 72, 71, 70, 69, 68, 67, 66, 65, 64, 63, 62, 61, 60, 59, 58, 57, 56, 55, 54, 53, 52, 51, 50, 49, 48, 47, 46, 45, 44, 43, 42, 41, 40, 39, 38, 37, 36, 35, 34, 33, 32, 31, 30, 29, 28, 27, 26, 25, 24, 23, 22, 21, 20, 19, 18, 17, 16, 15, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1… AAAHHH!! *screaming*
Cannot sleep… Cannot sleep… Cannot sleep… Cannot sleep… Cannot sleep… Cannot sleep… Cannot sleep… Cannot sleep… Cannot sleep… Cannot sleep…
Why can’t I sleep? Why can’t I sleep? Why can’t I sleep? Guess I need someone to keep me company… I have many things in my mind and I cannot put them aside… HELP ME! Any sleeping pills or wine for me, anyone out there..? :~(
I wanna sleep longer, like a Sleeping Beauty..!! I wAnNa SlEeP bEaUtIfUlLy UnTiL a PrInCe SaVeS mE!!
mY tErRiBlE nIgHtMaReS bEgAn 7 December 2004
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Since last Sunday (5 Dec), my terrible nightmares started.. I was in great pain for 2 days. Same as the last time before I started for my injection medication. Pain in my left abdomenial side. In my first day, I tolerated with it throughout the whole night. The pain went on and off and this made me very worried.. I didn’t know if I could stand it longer.
Yesterday, when I went down to SADeaf to train Jorena in “Where Is The Love”, I was not really keen in training her. Meanwhile, I was not feeling well. Down with that pain going on and off.
It then got worse.. I got my good friend to help book the appointment with the NUH this morning. Thanks, my friend!! When I was about to go down to NUH to see the doctor, I was very worried and I might cry alone. And, I didn’t expect Eileen to ask her boyfriend to keep me company. Thanks, Eileen & Kenji!! I feel much better after having Kenji’s company! I need to rest more…
Hmmm, I think I will have another nightmare in next month. I may not tolerate it alone this time. Really scared and worried! I have to wait for my next appointment on 7 January.. 
Disability Means GREAT Challenge 5 December 2004
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What is disability to you?? To me, it means a great challenge. Moreover, it often reflects on the disabled person’s attitude towards his/her handicap.
Just now, we had the Disability Awareness Week event at Singapore Expo Hall 6A. I can say, this venue is really a bad place to promote the awareness on these disabilites. “Disabled Does Not Mean Unable” Does this tagline reach to everyone? NOPE!!
Look at us, XTOMIC. We performed at 2 different slots, 2pm & 4pm. As for the 2pm slot, there was a Singapore Idol showcase. It drew alot of crowds, having many Sylvester & Taufik’s fans. It seems that these fans came down all the way to support them only. Instead of being educated, they just screamed while Olinda, Sylvester and Taufik sang their few skits. Taufik was not so bad, he somehow told his fans about Huishan & me in meeting one of the expections in disability awareness. Although we really couldn’t remember the lyrics, we were glad to perform with him.
When they left the stage, many fans followed them.. And then, this left us with no audience at sight. It was really hurting..! I did not understand why the event was initally for.. Therefore, I didn’t enjoy this slot. But still, as a performing artiste, I had to do in a professional way. And, there are still some people who stayed on to watch our performance. Yiyi, Yiquan, Lynne, Adelynn, Jocelynn, Michelle, Adrian, Regina and others, thanks! You’re really our great support when we are down with “no audience”!
Right now, I had more thoughts about it. The more, I think of it, I will feel a pain in my heart. Me, crying alittle now.. I guess, it’s a worst nightmare to every performing artiste. It’s not easy being the performing artiste anyway..
After all, it’s really a good experience to me. This way, I can learn some things from there. I’m grateful for it and I can be more experienced when it comes to these such situations. This also applies to XTOMIC and others who are in performing arts line..
Back to TYPE KFC 4 December 2004
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Just now, I have decided to go back to TYPE KFC to work again. It is to supplement my income only. Moreover, I need some CPF top-up this time, just in case that I may be unemployed for a very long time at a later age. It has been a very long time that I’m between many part-time jobs since I got retrenched from my first full-time job in 2002. Amazingly, I still survived. It was not easy leading this kinda of life, working here and there with these part-time jobs. Unstable and irregular..
Some time ago, Alfred and Donna encouraged me to go back. He told me to treat it as another supplement income. I was very hesistant as I know myself and my schedule is quite irregular. I told them my worries and they do not mind it. But they will be very delighted to have me helping them around.
I know that I have several jobs here. I guess, with these jobs, this may make me feel more stable. If no jobs, I’ll definitely be worried and I may not survive! Well, I’m already 25. By this time, I should have a good career. I do not think I will have one. Building a strong, good career takes alot of time and efforts like leading XTOMIC.. This is like a baby who needs to be nurtured well.
Anyway, I’m glad to be back at TYPE KFC. It’s like a family to me.. Moreover, they treat me as part of this crew. With this good working environment, I’ll be highly motivated to work well… 
